About a week ago,  I posted a seemingly innocent question on the Okcupid subreddit. I asked other subscribers what their biggest dating challenge was.

I got a lot more answers than I expected to. Being my typical, analytical self, I decided to spend some time grouping all the comments into categories.

It essentially boiled down into four main reasons.

• Having high – if not impossible – standards
• Lacking self-confidence
• Location
• Time constraints

Through all of these, I realized that almost all of our challenges are self-imposed. We’re deliberately making it harder for ourselves to find Mr. or Mrs. Right by creating all kinds of restrictions on ourselves.

It got me thinking. Why is that?

Sure, we are mostly to blame. I also think it’s how online dating sites are marketed to us. Admittedly, marketers behind online dating sites like Okcupid, Match, eHarmony are really good at marketing to us why we need their services.

Dating isn’t a new phenomenon like say taking selfies on Instagram. It’s a tried and true way to meet your soulmate since the dawn of modern society.

Online dating sites ploy on many of our biggest fears and insecurities.

• What if there is no one out there for me? 
• What if I end up all alone? 
• Should I start hoarding cats? 

The reality is you don’t need an online dating site to meet your soulmate. Our parents didn’t. Nor, our grandparents.

These sites are engineered to make you think there are millions of people on their site – and one of them is waiting for you. This could be the case. It may happen from online dating or it could happen in the grocery store line. No matter where you find your soulmate- online or offline- it requires a certain element of fate and luck. You can’t code a tech platform that completely accounts for the serendipitous elements of fate and luck.

That brings me back to my previous points. In order to maximize all of our chances of finding someone really great, we need to stop being so hard on ourselves and/or let our guard downs. Instead of looking for the perfect person (as perfect is nearly impossible to find), look for someone who is pretty great that complements you.

What’s your biggest dating challenge? I would love to hear from you in the comment section below or you can email me directly at selfiesandsweatpants@gmail.com 

I have been on a lot of bad first dates. Maybe, it’s because I’m impatient and don’t like to waste tons of time exchanging “Small talk messages” on online dating sites when you are just going to rehash the same awkward topics on the first date.

Or, maybe that I am terrified of being the victim of a “catfish” level scheme.

Little did I know, I think I would have preferred being catfished over the date I went on a couple of weeks ago.

You know when you have that vague inkling that you have nothing in common, but you really aren’t sure quite yet. My spidey senses were thinking this was going to be a long, dreadful date from the first “awkward text message,” after we exchanged numbers. Well, in my case a vague Google voice number.

Anyway, our “date” started innocently enough at a popular upscale burger bar. The guy walked in and to my pleasant surprise, the guy actually looked like his profile photo. That’s a rarity. Trust me.

But, that was the sole positive of the night.

Little did I realize, this bar would be absolutely packed on a Monday night. Seeing how Mr. Winner and I were already struggling to hold a conversation, two minutes into exchanging pleasantries. We quickly decided to go to the Greek food place next door with no wait.

That’s always the sign of an excellent date. Finding any way I could to speed this date up. So, I can say goodbye, get the fuck out of there, drive home and enter into the land of comfy sweatpants.

Anyways, we order our food. Then, we are met with an incredibly awkward silence. From the initial silence, we get to talking about our work and our family life.  The guy brings up that he works in a warehouse. And, is kind of sort of going to community college. Nothing terribly exciting, but I can respect that not every 20-something knows what they want to do.

Enter more awkward silence. By this point, By time, I was seriously thinking about ways to exit the date gracefully or semi-gracefully.

Would Mr. Winner notice if I excused myself to go to the bathroom and never came back?
Should I pretend to stab myself with this butter knife so I could get out of here soon?
Do I use one of those fake a phone call apps? 

Then as the conversation continued to struggle along, the real dealbreaker comes out. The guy still lives at home with “mommy.” And, mommy does everything for him, while he sits on his ass reading comics and playing Halo.  See where this is going?

He’s the kind of mama’s boy, that is stuck at age 12 or 13. Permanently. All he cares about is beating his video games and his mommy’s cooking. Nuff’ said.

The date ends rather uneventfully about 45 minutes after it got started.

And, it’s time to go back to the drawing board – screen dozens upon dozens of guys on OkCupid – hoping to find a grown ass man. Or, at least a man, who knows how to cook a basic meal and doesn’t live at home with mommy.

What’s the worst date you have been on? Please share below in the comment section.

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Trying to be active and engaging on an online dating site can be disheartening, to say the least. The amount of crap that you have to sort through just to find a guy that isn’t a sexist pig, a serious creeper or about one step away from being a serial killer is no small task.

Once you get past the soon-to-be serial killers and creepers, you are then cast into the world of bad online dating profiles filled with desperation from guys who would do and say just about anything to get laid. I do mean anything. Here’s seven instant turn-offs that I’ve personally seen or in some cases received from guys on OkCupid.

1.) Sending an intro message, with the word, “Hey” or “Hi” and nothing else and expecting a reply. 

This is pretty much the equivalent of giving a “thumbs up sign” to every girl in the mall and then walking away.  I know it’s hard to write an intro message to a stranger. But, at least put a little effort into it, instead of just saying, hi.

2.) Sending photos of your junk in your intro message. (Yeah, that actually happened.)

Yeah, just don’t be that guy. Just don’t, please.

3.) If are more than 25 years older than the person, don’t message them. It’s kind of creepy. 

Unless the person specifically states in their profile that they only date older men, please don’t message a female who is more than 25 years younger than you. It’s just creepy. I really don’t want to date someone, who is old enough to be my father.

4.) Enough with the bathroom mirror selfie photos already. 

Enough with the bad selfies. There is nothing cute about taking a selfie in front of a dirty bathroom mirror. In fact, it actually makes you look kind of pathetic.

5.) While on the topic of photos, please refrain from using the profile photo where you have tried to “photoshop” your ex out of. 

I’d rather see a photo of you passed out drunk in the bathroom before I see a photo of you badly cropping out your ex from your profile photo. The extra legs and arms aren’t fooling anyone. K?

6.) Asking to have sex in your intro message.

While I respect the honestly, just like in point #2: Don’t be that guy. Just don’t be that guy.

7.) Finally, nothing screams “warm and fuzzy” quite like receiving a “form message” that you have clearly sent 100+ other ladies. 

Enough said.

What’s the worst online dating message you have received? Please share below in the comment section.

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